Spanglish Chick

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up.  The one day of the year when everyone is Irish, and they celebrate by drinking copious amounts of green beer, Guinness, and Irish whiskey (not to be confused with Scottish whiskey). Some people turn into giggly, happy drunks.  Some turn into angry drunks.  And there are always some who turn into hit-on-everything-in-sight drunks.

• Along with doing your hair and nails, and making sure that you’re wearing something green, getting prepared for an onslaught of drunk men coming on to you is standard party prep for St. Patrick’s Day.  I asked a few women to share their stories of getting hit on by drunken men, and they provided some serious gems. Some are funny, some are witty, and some are beyond cringe-worthy. 
• My good friend bumped into a semi-acquaintance at a bar on St. Patrick’s Day a few years ago.  Instead of saying hello, he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her passionately.  I guess it was okay, though.  They got married last Saturday. – Trina
  
• I went to Dublin, Ireland for St. Patty’s Day last year. A group of drunken Irishmen approached my friends and I and started talking to us.  I couldn’t understand what the hell they were saying, so I responded with “Sorry, I speak English.” As I was saying this, I immediately thought, “Oh, my God, they ARE speaking English!  I’m a fool!” It was so embarrassing.  But to be fair, a drunken Irish brogue is extremely hard to follow, especially when you’re also drunk. – Ruth
  
• Two guys were hitting on my best friend and I.  The one talking to my friend said, “I’m in the army, you know.  I’m a Ranger.  I’ve killed four people.”  He misinterpreted her look of amusement/disgust for worry, so he quickly added, “No, no, it’s okay.  I sent cards to the families.”  Meanwhile his friend was looking at me and shaking his head in dismay.  It was glorious. – Catherine
  
• My friends and I were waiting outside of a bar for another friend once, and these almost-Guido type guys came up to us, and I was just not interested or impressed at all.  One guy says, “Hey, we’re from Connecticut, where can we go for a good time?”  My response?  “Back to Connecticut.” – Ellie
  
• I was dancing at a club once and a guy came up to me and said, “Those hips!  You’re killing me, smalls!”  I was amused and baffled by his use of a quote from “The Sandlot” as a pickup line. – Jennifer
  
• This didn’t happen to me, but I was out with some friends in college and one of the guys hit on a girl by asking if he could scratch and sniff her. – Sandra
  
• I went to a club with a friend once, and there was an entire rugby team there. That night, nearly every one of the members of said team drunkenly approached me.  They were practically taking turns, it was so bizarre.  One of the guys would get rejected and another would almost instantly ask me to dance. One tried to put his face between my boobs, and he got punched. I said I had a boyfriend (lie) for the most part, but then the last one was nice enough, and hot, and my friend was with some other guy, so I figured why not.  Fun night. – Susan
  
• I was traveling around Australia with my best friend, and somehow ended up with a broken foot.  One night, we were at a party on a big farm in West Australia with about a hundred people, when this very drunk local guy approached me.  My friends tried to edge him out of the circle, but it wasn’t working.  Then came the line of the evening.  Leaning towards me, his eyes pointing in two different directions, he said, “I like you … because you can’t run away.”  I was about to hit him over the head with my crutch when another local, who was thankfully sober, intervened.  We didn’t see him for the rest of the night – hopefully he was unconscious somewhere and woke up with a raging hangover. – Quinn

Remember as you’re taking your umpteenth shot of tequila (Irish people do drink tequila, right?) that you aren’t the only one who will likely have some strange or awkward encounter with a guy who’s three sheets to the wind before St. Patrick’s Day is over.  So before you turn around and whip your hair in his face as you walk away, thank him for being the unfortunate star in the story that you’ll retell for years to come.  Slainte!

Spanglish Chick Contributor Karah Leigh lives in Houston with her boyfriend and two awesome dogs. Known for her on-air talent at Houston’s 94.5 The Buzz, Karah is not only ‘in the know’ about music, she’s in the loop on pop culture and celebrity entertainment. Visit her Houston Examiner page for more juicy celebrity news and updates!

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